Paradise Lost: Hell; Paradise Found: Deeper Love
By: DeLeah

Part One

"Rita, do you have a moment?" DeLeah asked as she peeked into the mommy's office.

"Sure come on in." Rita told her indicating a chair. The older mommy didn't expect her to really take the offered chair but nearly fell out of her own when she saw her do so. Rita coolly finished typing the sentence she was on and then closed the laptop lid quietly giving her the undivided attention that very few got from her.

"All right, what's wrong?" Rita asked seriously.

DeLeah sat silent for a moment. "I need a favor," she told her.

Rita nodded, "Ok. If it is permissible."

DeLeah agreed, "I would like a temporary long-term mission."

Rita looked surprised. "Is everything all right DeLeah? I know I haven't been around much recently but you know I'm always here if you need to talk."

DeLeah gave a half smile, "I know. It's not that. I just need to get away from everything that is familiar to me for awhile. My head is swimming, my judgment clouded, and I feel like I don't even know who I am anymore." She confided.

Rita sat listening quietly. She didn't like what she was hearing.

"On top of that mess I have Antonio pushing and pushing me about our engagement. I'm sure you know that feeling."

"Yes I do," Rita admitted with a half-hearted laugh. The older mommy sighed. She didn't want to lose an operative with DeLeah's skills for the two months she was asking for but if she didn't reassign her she ran the risk of losing the operative all together, not to mention a friend.

"Ok DeLeah I will speak with the other Mom's about a transfer. We have several possibilities for a couple of missions right now. I'll give you a ring when we've reached a decision," she offered.

DeLeah nodded understanding the dismissal for what it was. "Thank you," she said as she left the office.

Rita frowned. It was not like DeLeah to leave suddenly and be so polite. Something was definitely wrong.

Part Two

Rita immediately picked up the phone and called Sherry after DeLeah left her office. "We need to talk," Rita ordered.

"Ok I'll be there in ten minutes," Sherry said hanging up.

***10 Minutes Later in Rita's Office***

"She wants a what?" Sherry asked shocked.

"DeLeah wants a temporary transfer." Rita repeated.

"For how long?" The older mommy asked dreading the answer but needing to hear it anyways.

"Two months." Rita answered.

"Did she say why?" Sherry drilled.

"Yes. Basically she needs some time away to sort things out and clear her head." Rita explained.

Sherry nodded. "Ok. I think we can spare her for that time period. What missions do we have which would be appropriate for her?" She asked knowing full well that Rita would have already
reviewed the missions and narrowed it down.

"Dalton, Martinez, and Delwacki." Rita briefed.

"Martinez then." Sher chose.

Rita nodded in agreement, "That was my preference as well."

The two mom's sat for awhile longer discussing the mission and then set to work on the profile. She would call DeLeah this evening. If Aries and North hadn't been out on a critical mission she would have called and received their views on this situation as well. Their opinions would have been very insightful.

Part Three

DeLeah had been on assignment for three weeks before the mission began progressing. When she hadn't been working she had been taking the time to think about where she was in her life. She regretted being recruited into Section of course but she had no idea where she would be without her CLHQ sisters and Tony. She realized she was happy in this life. She had a family, a loving and loyal boyfriend and more mothers than one ever wanted but still it was nice to know that you were loved and needed. She pulled herself out of this train of thought as Fernando Martinez dropped her off on her doorstep from their date.

"Thank you. I had a wonderful time." DeLeah told him.

"As did I." He murmured charmingly as he kissed her hand and left.

DeLeah leaned back against the front door watching him drive away but her thoughts were not on Martinez but on the love of her life she had left behind, Antonio.

As she walked in the door her cell phone began ringing. 'Welcome Home' she thought sardonically as she answered it. "Yes?"

"Update!" Rita's commanding voice flowed through the phone like the stench of a dead pig.

DeLeah made a face at the phone. "Don't you ever sleep?" She teased her friend.

"Well you sound like you're feeling a little bit more like yourself." Rita observed.

"Yes a bit." DeLeah assured her as she went on detailing the events of the mission that had taken place thus far.

"Everything is on track then, no?" Rita asked.

"Yes." DeLeah answered. She paused for a moment. "How is everyone in your neck of the woods?" She asked thoughtfully.

"We're fine." Rita told her. "Busy as usual."

"And Antonio?" DeLeah pushed.

Rita was silent for moment before she replied, "How would you like for him to be?" She asked. "You left for two whole months without telling him why or even goodbye."

"I know." DeLeah whispered.

"Well, there's nothing to be done about it now." Rita said lending her support in the only way she could. "He won't talk to most anyone except Aries and Marco and his temper goes off quicker than Sherry's delusions appear." Rita told her.

DeLeah was nearly in tears by this time. "Buenas Noches Rita." DeLeah said softly as she closed the cell phone.

DeLeah slowly lowered herself to sit on the bed as the tears came. She was hurting Tony and she had never meant for that to happen. She'd just needed some time to think. Why couldn't he understand that? Why couldn't her friends? Was that too much to ask? DeLeah sobbed softly into the pillow. She felt like she was being torn into two pieces. She felt a certain duty and responsibility to CLHQ of course. On one hand, there was her family, her friends, and her lover. Those who gained her trust and loyalty did not do so without great pains. But on the other hand there was herself. She had certain needs too. Did those not count for anything? Her decision to take a temporary transfer had not come without great pains. She had thought long and hard about it before she had requested it from Rita. No matter what had happened on this mission she still felt that she had made the right decision. Sometimes you had to think of yourself over others. But if that were true, why did she feel so guilty now?

Part Four

It had been six weeks since she had left her life behind in CLHQ. She was slowly putting the pieces back together within herself. All of the pieces that had been broken either by missions or hurt by things she'd had to do. All of the pieces that had been lost during her rush through life. She needed to find those pieces and repair them. Slowly she was gaining the strength to do that.

DeLeah smiled at the thought of going home...to CLHQ. She was looking forward to it but she knew she wasn't quite ready yet. It, however, was time to call and check in with Rita. She quickly took out her cell phone and dialed the automatic number. She got her unavailable message.

'Strange' DeLeah thought. She tried Sherry's number next. Same thing. 'What on earth is going on?' DeLeah wondered. She tried Aries' number next. A male voice answered the phone that
she recognized as Marco's.

"Put her on the phone please" DeLeah told him.

"DeLeah?" Aries asked.

"Hey Hon," she greeted her friend. "What is going on over there? I was suppose to call and check in with Rita tonight but both her and Sher's phones are on unavailable."

"Yeah Sher and Rita got called out on a priority two mission." Aries explained. "CLHQ is in chaos."

"When isn't it?" DeLeah laughed.

"No honey you don't understand. I don't know how to quite put this..." Aries voice trailed off.

"What? What is it?" DeLeah started to get worried.

"It's Antonio." Aries began. "He tried to commit suicide today."

"Nooooooooooo!" DeLeah screamed when she finally found her voice.

"He's all right though." Aries assured her. "Marco got to him in time."

DeLeah was now crying. "How? What did he do?" She asked.

"He tried to overdose." Aries told her. "You know when he gets depressed he goes for that stuff."

"Yes I do. I should have see it coming. I should have...."

"Honey how could you have seen it coming? You're halfway across the continent." Aries asked her.

"I should have never left." DeLeah whispered.

"Hon, Tony is convinced you're dead and you don't love him anymore. That's the only reason he's done this. Once you get back he'll be fine. He'll be on suicide watch but for now he is fine."

"Why would he think I don't love him anymore? Why does he think I'm dead?" She asked.

"Don't take this the wrong way De but it might be the fact that he hasn't seen you in nearly two months or the fact that you didn't even grace him with a goodbye."

DeLeah knew she was going to break down any minute now. "I have to go hon. Tell him I love him and I'll see him soon." she said softly as she hung up.

DeLeah laid down slowly face down on her bed as she sobbed loudly. This time she let it all out. All of the pain, all of the hurt, and all of the anger. 'Why should I feel guilty for doing something for myself?' she thought angrily as she beat the stuffing out of the pillow. 'Why?' 'How could Tony think that I have not missed him every second of every day of every week that I have been gone? Yes she had not been given a chance to say goodbye to him but only because he'd been out in the field at that time. She had left him a note though.' All these thoughts were racing through her mind as she slipped off into a peaceful slumber.

Part Five

Three weeks later DeLeah had achieved end game with Martinez, and she was on her way back into CLHQ. Martinez was being escorted along with all of his men back to Section via jet, and she was typing up her debrief. She finished it and sent it to Rita and then sat back in her seat peacefully content and glad to be on her way home. She felt relaxed and in control of her life and emotions once again. She still had a few issues to sort through with Tony but she had all the confidence that they could get through anything now.

Once back in CLHQ, DeLeah was surprised to see it deserted but then realized that this was a different time zone and it was nearly 3am here. She quietly walked back to her quarters and dropped her luggage at the door. She headed straight for the bathroom where she started herself a nice hot bubble bath. She walked over to her closet and chose a silk nightdress and then slipped herself into the tub. Instantly, she felt her muscles relax and start to unwind. She lay there thinking about the situation with Tony. If she lost him she didn't know how she'd go on. He was her life, her reason for going on. That's what had scared her so bad when Aries had told her what he'd done. That's when she groaned over her stupidity. She was probably the same thing for him, and she had left him not even telling him she loved him. She had just disappeared for two months. With these thoughts and more still running through her head, she quickly washed her hair and dressed for bed.

She sat down with some soft relaxing music for a few minutes with a glass of wine and then headed into the bedroom. She stood at the bedroom door for a moment admiring the view.
There on her side of the bed was Tony lying on top of the blankets clad in only a pair of black boxers. His arms were hugging her pillow tight as he slept. She smiled as she walked over to him. She rearranged the blankets so that he was under them and then slid in under them as well snuggling up to his chest. Without waking up, he instinctively wrapped his arms around her as she fell into a peaceful sleep of pleasant dreams for several hours.

DeLeah awakened to looking into the most gorgeous face ever. His chocolate brown eyes were sparkling into her own as if he couldn't really believe that she was here.

"Are you really here?" He asked softly. "Please tell me I'm not dreaming."

"I'm really here," she assured him as she kissed the palm of his hand. Tony pulled her tightly against him as he kissed her forehead gently. DeLeah laid her head on his bare chest never wanting to leave this spot for all of eternity. She felt so happy, so safe and secure here. Eventually though they did have to talk.

"I'm sorry Tony," she finally broke out. "I never meant to hurt you. Ever. That's the last thing I wanted."

Tony sighed, "Sabo Quierda. Sabo. (I know darling. I know.) But you did. I wish you would have told me that you just needed some space instead of just leaving. You have no idea how much I felt a failure. That you didn't love me anymore."

"I know. I wish that I had had time to tell you before you left on that mission but our opening window was critical. I really did need to get away for awhile. My head was clouded and in Section that's never a good thing," DeLeah explained.

Antonio nodded as his fingers seemed to have a will of their own as they traced up and down her upper arms in various patterns. The touch was soft and soothing but a gesture of love.

"I do love you Tony." DeLeah whispered feeling that this did need to be voiced.

"I love you too Quierda." he murmured as he took her mouth in a demanding and passionate kiss.

"Don't ever leave me again Quierda. Por favor, promise me?" he asked.

"I promise Tony." she whispered and she had every intention of keeping this promise.

They sealed the promise with a kiss. All of their trust and love went into that kiss as they realized just how important the other was to them.

The End!