“Michael! You would like to trim my tree with me tonight?” Nikita asks as she bounces over like an elf high on drugs. Michael turns and looks at her. His black jacket hanging tightly against him, only his face showing any color at all, was a contrast to Nikita. She was wearing a bright red sweatshirt with a big Christmas tree on it. There were ornaments scattered among the shirt, and a few ornaments, Walter pointed out, where either perfectly placed or terribly placed, it mattered what you liked.
“I have reports.” Michael replies without looking at Nikita’s face and turns back around. He steps carefully forward, trying to make sure the step seemed like he did not want to be bothered with. He had never come around to how Section One operatives could still have the holiday spirit. How was it possible that the day after they will be out killing and walking in blood? The only red that Michael ever saw was blood.
He was not lucky, or maybe, Nikita was just being hard headed. It didn’t matter either way, because Nikita pulled at his jacket, until he stopped. Michael snapped around and straightened his jacket as it fell from Nikita’s hand.
“Michael… it’s Christmas Eve!” Nikita says and Michael just stares at the spot right to the left side of her face. He just stared and then turned his head away.
“It is not a holiday for us, Nikita. Get over it.” Michael says and turns away. He regrets his words as he walks away. The last part showed a bit too much emotion, and gave Nikita the opening that Michael regretted letting her have.
“Get over it? I think it is you how has to get over it!” Nikita shouts and Michael stops. It would be better to turn around and discuss this in a human manner, than allowing Nikita shout and scream all the way to his office.
Michael’s green eyes stared back at Nikita. She saw that somewhere in there, that he loved Christmas. He had to have. She needed to thaw the ingrained Section One thoughts and get to his heart and his memories. Each Christmas Nikita extended a hand to Michael, and each year he would turn away. She would not allow it to occur this year.
“You can’t get past the fact that we still can live!” Nikita says firmly and turns away. It was a classic move to get Michael’s attention. He could walk away from you, but when you walk away from him, it would make him think and think at least for a few moments.
“Bah-hum-bug!” Michael calls out and Nikita stops and turns to Michael.
“You don’t mean that, Michael!” Nikita says in shock and Michael walks to her body and nods his head.
“I wish there was no Christmas. There isn’t a Christmas for us and there never will be.” Michael says and turns away. Nikita is shaking. His words have even frozen her thoughts for several seconds.
“THEN YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A SCROOGE! A GRINCH! DAMN YOU MICHAEL!” Nikita screams, but Michael does not turn back around.
He punches the three-digit code and enters into the building and finds a note on his mailbox. Happy Holidays! From you landlord! Michael crunches the paper up into the ball and then turns towards the stairs and starts to go up the stairs.
Once on his floor, he turns to the right, and the three numbers glares back at him. 301. The door across from his apartment was decorated with a child’s drawings of Santa Claus. Michael can’t wait to escape to the sanctuary within his apartment and sleep the upcoming holiday away.
Michael pushes his key towards the lock and then proceeds to drop the keys.
“You are a GRINCH! A SCROOGE!” Nikita’s words echo back at Michael. He leans his head back slightly as he bends at the knees to pull up the keys.
“Michael.” A voice whispers out and Michael looks around the hallway. There was nothing. It was his imagination. Michael takes the keys and twists his way into the apartment. The door slams behind him as he immediately starts to pull of his coat.
The coat ends up in a pile on the chair off to the right hand side of the door. Michael walks over to the answering machine and rolls his head back. Why did they continue to call?
“HEY! Michael…. Remember me, Lizzie! Well, if you weren’t busy on Christmas Eve, I’d like to be Santa’s elf. Call me!”
“You better watch out.. you better not cry… you better not pout.. I’m telling you why… Chrissie is coming to town? Are you ready?”
Michael’s large thumb pushes down and erases the rest of the ten messages, knowing all would mention the theme he wished would go away.
“Michael”
Michael turns and looks at the answer machine. All messages were deleted. Where was the voice coming from and why now. It was the one day that Michael had to himself all year, and now he was hearing voices!
Michael turns towards the bedroom and stops.
“JURGEN!”
“You couldn’t have lived.” Michael says and Jurgen laughs broadly, and laugh that he often heard while Jurgen was around Nikita.
“I’m not. I am dead.” Jurgen says and Michael turns around and fires five round into the image. Nothing changes and Jurgen only tilts his head.
“Is that what Section has done to you, Michael? Can you only believe what you can see and touch and explain?” Jurgen asks and Michael’s jaw tenses.
“You aren’t real.”
“That’s because you can’t allow yourself to believe in something you can’t concretely prove is there. That is why you are hurting Nikita.” Jurgen says as he takes his glasses off slowing, one side and then the other side.
“Don’t even say her name.” Michael says as he touches his head. “I have to be having delusions. Someone poisoned me.”
“You can’t even admit to yourself that you may remotely care for Nikita, let alone love her. You are making a mistake that you will regret.” Jurgen says and Michael turns and half smiles.
“You will be visited tonight.” Jurgen says and Michael smirks and then frowns.
“Nikita drugged me. This is some game of Nikita’s for my declining her invitation to trim her tree.” Michael says and Jurgen folds his hands.
“You don’t believe that Michael. Even you know when you are lying to yourself.” Jurgen says and Michael stops and turns around.
“So, I am going to be visited by three ghosts….” Michael says and Jurgen lifts his head and studies Michael.
“My way isn’t the afterlife way.” Jurgen says as he walks back through the door.
Michael blinks his eyes and then looks down at his trembling hands. He walks to the door, and feels nothing.
Michael turns and walks to the locked cabinet. He could distinctly remember the last time he opened those doors to the cabinet. It was while Nikita was gone. He lifted out the hard liquor and poured a liberal glass with no ice and took a long gulp.
It did not sooth his nerves and only seemed to echo the loneliness he had provided himself with on this holiday. Michael closes his eyes and visualized Nikita.
There was two ways it could be going for Nikita on this night. Walter and Birkoff could have come over and helped her. Walter would try to tie Nikita up with garland, and Birkoff would be trying to talk Nikita into oreo garland. There would be bright and joyful Christmas music playing in the background and more than a few times would Nikita, Walter, and Birkoff end up laughing until their stomachs hurt.
That was what Michael wanted for Nikita. There were some basic things that Michael never forgot about Nikita. She was always a kid at heart, and that she cherished the events that she never had as a child. Christmas was one of those.
The other way, was exactly like what Michael was doing. But also in knowing Nikita, the night would contain tears, and that pained Michael to even think about.
As a result, Michael poured more liquor into his glass and gulped it down.
Michael pulled his head back and looked at his thighs before looking back to his feet. This gesture, of feet on top of the coffee table, was something he would not do. Nikita would. Nikita would put her feet anywhere, it was part of her ingrained ability to get underneath anyone’s skin.
Michael briefly closed his eyes and let the darkness he seeks engulf him fully. He wished to travel further into the darkness when a clear knock on the door brought him back to the half-lit apartment. He slightly stumbled as he dropped his feet to the floor and crossed the distance to the door.
“Adrian?” Michael asks as the older woman walks in and smiles at Michael. Michael turns and closes the door.
“They cancelled you.” Michael says as he sees images of the tape in his head. He had watched it five times and then gone to check on the body. She was dead, and he also watched Walter take her down to the incinerator.
“Why, hello, Michael!” Adrian says sharply with a motherly wink.
“I thought Jurgen explained that I would be here to take you.” Adrian says and Michael stares at her. He walks back to the coffee table and picks up the glass and head back to the bottle.
“Michael. Not now.” Adrian says as she reaches out with a stun gun and places it to Michael’s neck.
Michael jerked his head back and the glass fell at his feet. He was not transported into darkness, but into light, and soon, as he spun around, he was in a white room. Michael snapped his head around and there she was.
Nikita sat in the old clothing that she had worn from the street, to prison, and then to Section One. Michael turns and looks at Adrian.
“Your past, does not matter. What matters is from the time that you began to live again. You are in danger of leaving life again, so here we are.” Adrian says as she waves a hand out towards Nikita. The door opens and Michael watches himself enter and move to Nikita.
Michael remembers the time clearly. He had studied Nikita’s file and did not see how she was chosen to be recruited. He was not thrilled, but it was once he was in that room that he became determined that she would survive.
“Let’s go. I have a lot to do.” Adrian says as she lifts her hand and Michael looks at the stun gun. He lifts a hand and looks at Adrian.
“That is not necessary.” Michael says and Adrian leads Michael to the door.
But once past the threshold of the door, they were inside Nikita’s apartment, on what appeared to be Christmas Eve. Michael looked around. It had to be at least two years ago. It was still decorated with sunglasses.
“Now… how do I decorate this?” Nikita asks as she walks around in her bare feet, staring at the tree that Michael would classify as a Charlie Brown tree. He looked around and saw no ornaments. There were some bright red bows hanging from the ceiling and she did have a sting of lights on the tree.
“Damn it!” Nikita sighs as she walks over to her collection of sunglasses and pulls some down. She walks back to the tree and hangs them on the limbs.
“Why didn’t they teach me anything about holidays!” Nikita sighs loudly as she bends down and holds the wrapped gift and then falls down to the floor.
Michael looks at the label and turns his head.
To MichaelFrom Nikita
Michael stepped back and the squatted down. He looked at the fresh tears clinging at Nikita’s eyes and looked to the tree. It was exactly an expression of who she was.
“Nikita, I didn’t know. I, would have come over. I would have..” Michael says and then Adrian moves closer to him.
“She can’t hear you, Michael.’ Adrian says and Michael stands up.
“It is ironic that you both bought gifts each year that are never given.” Adrian says as she points to the apartment door. Michael stares and wonders how she found out. Michael starts to walk and the door swings open. Michael glances back over his shoulder and stares at Nikita. She still held the box tightly in her lap. Michael did not wonder what was inside or why did she buy one. He wondered how long did she stay like that.
“Michael, we don’t have time.” Adrian says and Michael steps out into the hallway, only to find himself transported back into Section One. It was a different place on Christmas Eve and Christmas. It was almost barren, and even faint music was heard.
Michael did not have to think twice where the music originated from, he instinctively turned and walked towards the bandanna man’s area. What had surprised Michael was the presence of Birkoff and the massive amount of tape on the table.
“Wait! You can still see it!” Birkoff yells out and Walter sighs as he sees the shiny gold heal of the thigh high gold boots that he had pitched in with Birkoff to buy for Nikita showed. Walter cut another piece of paper and patched the hole.
“We can’t give it to her this way!” Birkoff exclaims as he looks at the wrinkled paper and twisted tape.
“Well, we both know that Michael won’t show up, so this is going to have to do.” Walter says and Birkoff laughs softly.
“Michael probably climbs into the darkest hole and doesn’t surface until the whole holiday is over!” Birkoff jokes and Walter deeply laughs.
“I know, man. Even Operations has more fun on the holidays than Michael!” Walter comments. Birkoff takes the gift and walks out of the area. Walter watches Birkoff walk away and begins to hum with the music.
Walter bends down and grabs out another box and looks around. He walks past Michael and looks down the hallway both directions
“Oh, Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle al the way.. oh what fun it is to ride a one horse open sleigh..” Walter sings with the music as he walks back. He opens the box and smiles to himself.
“Have to make my sugar feel special!” Walter chuckles to himself as he looks down at the heart locket and then closes the box. Quickly, Walter professionally wraps the gift. He looks around and then pulls something else up from underneath the table.
“Damn, I wished Michael gave Nikita a clue of what he felt!” Walter says as he looks around and wraps the pair of fuzzy socks.
“Good night, Michael.” Adrian says and suddenly there is blackness again.
Michael opens his eyes quickly and looks around the room. He was sprawled out on the couch and pulled his legs up and to the floor quickly. He takes stock of the room. Everything was there and even the glass was still on the coffee table.
“Dreams.” Michael mutters as he picks up the glass and stands up.
He needed something more. He could not afford anymore dreams. He did not want to think on this night. He needed to stop thinking about Nikita.
The liquor filled the glass quickly and Michael rolled his head around slowly, when suddenly, it began to snow.
In his apartment.
“Rene?” Michael asks and the older Frenchman nods his head and looks around at the snow.
“Funny weather, Michel.” Rene says and Michael continues to stare as the man moves closer to Michael. It was not the Rene that had died; it was the Rene that Michael always thought of. Younger, wiser, and more of life. Michael looked to the side and then back at Rene.
“What are you doing here?” Michael asks as he looks at the man again. The snow continues to fall lightly, but it is not cold in the room.
“Do you remember that night the car broke down, Michel?” Rene asks and Michael presses his lips together.
“No.” Michael lies and Rene steps forward and presses his hands over Michael’s eyes.
“Think, Michel.” Rene says and Michael swallows hard as he feels the touch of Rene. It is real. He is feeling Rene. But Rene was dead. Michael shakes his head.
“We were out in the forest, driving along, with a few beers inside our stomachs, when we got a flat.” Rene says and Michael tries to stop the memories from coming back. But the forest, with the light coating of snow on the ground comes to his focus.
“Remember out in the snow, Michel. Remember what you told me?” Rene asks and Michael licks his lips and shivers almost, although it was starting to get quite hot for Michael.
“We were talking about the snow fall.” Michael says.
“Tsk. Think harder, Michel. Section could not have destroyed this thought too.” Rene says and Michael takes a slow breath and waits as the memories flood back.
“Say it, Michel.” Rene urges Michael. Michael stops himself.
“Michel.” Rene whispers and the mouth begins to move.
“Rene, sometimes all I ever want is to be able to love the one who has my heart and soul, and then I will be complete.” Michael says and then Rene pulls back his hands from Michael and stares into Michael’s emerald eyes. Michael looks and turns away. That was not who he is now. It was who he was.
“Come with me.” Rene says as he turns towards the window and it disappears.
“Where are we going?” Michael asks.
“To see what you are missing, young Michel.” Rene says and Michael steps out after Rene.
At first the light was so bright, that Michael could not make out what was going on. There was only this shining bright object, until Michael started to hear the bright Christmas music. Michael looks around and sees vivid green behind him and looks up.
There was Nikita, towering above him like a giant. Michael falls backwards into Rene’s hands and Rene lightly laughs at the man who had lost his way. He needed on the path back to being who he was and now what Section made him.
“Where are we? Why is Nikita so big?” Michael asks and Rene light smiles.
“We are an ornament on a tree. Adrian said you were a pain when you visited Nikita in the past, so here I keep you away from her.” Rene says and Michael shakes his head.
There is a loud knock at Nikita’s door and Nikita skips to the doorway.
“I wonder who is visiting her. Didn’t she invite you?” Rene asks and Michael looks at him and then goes back to watching Nikita.
“She hasn’t stolen my heart.” Michael replies defensively and Rene raises an eyebrow.
“Whatever you think, my Michel.” Rene softly says as he waves a hand back towards the activity beyond the Christmas ornament.
Nikita is smiling as Walter stumbles with the gifts. She starts to help unload them and places them underneath the Christmas tree.
“No Michael this year?” Walter asks and Nikita shakes her head as she dashes to the refrigerator and brings out some eggnog. Nikita smiles softly and hands Walter a glass.
“But I have good old St. Nick with me.” Nikita says with a giggle as she tickles Walter’s stomach. The old man smiles broadly and hugs Nikita. He turns and looks for a gift for underneath the tree. He pulls out a long box wrapped in huge snowmen. Nikita looks at Walter and shakes her head.
“We don’t open gifts now. You and Birkoff help me decorate my tree, and you come back tomorrow.” Nikita says and Walter winks at her.
“I want you to open this one. It’s special.” Walter says and Michael looks at Rene and stares at him.
“What are you trying to show me here? She is happy.” Michael says and Rene again motions his hand back to the events going on in Nikita’s apartment. Michael sighs and turns to find Nikita sitting down on the couch. She looks at Walter and then the package.
She opens the package carefully and drops the wrapping to the floor. She lifts the cover and stops. She pulls out the sunglasses and smiles at Walter. She touches the hook on them and then looks to the tree.
“An ornament?” Nikita asks and Walter nods his head. Nikita stands up and walks towards the tree.
She bends and suddenly all Michael can see is Nikita’s quite large blue eye as she moves the tree around to place the sunglasses over the light they were in. He saw the glassy shine of the eye and turned to Rene.
“Why is she crying?” Michael asks, as he is confused. That was one of the reasons why he avoided holidays, emotions were just too much.
“Listen to her, Michel. You don’t do that often.” Rene says as he motions back to the activity in the room.
“Sugar, I know that you have come a long way in three years. That first Christmas when I found you in your apartment in tears just ate me apart. But you had your wonderful collection of sunglasses on your tree, and I think although you don’t want to dwell upon that Christmas, you don’t want to forget it.” Walter says and Nikita hugs Walter tightly.
“Thank god you came that Christmas, and I am so glad you are here every time since.” Nikita says and Walter smiles.
“You deserve more, Nikita. If I could I would twist his ear and drag him here myself, but he is detached from actions like that.” Walter says and Nikita smiles softly.
“And I know that… and I still buy Michael a gift and I look at it all year…just to add the next one next to it.” Nikita says and she suddenly shakes her head, as there is another knock at her door. Nikita turns to the door and allows Birkoff in.
“I brought the oreos!” Birkoff says and he stops and looks at Nikita, then Walter, and then notices the sunglasses on the tree. Walter takes the items from Birkoff’s hand as he moves towards the tree. Michael steps back as Birkoff bends down to study the sunglasses. He smiles and then turns back around so that Michael can not view the activities anymore.
“Walter, enough making Nikita crying on Christmas! Leave that to Michael!” Birkoff says and Nikita’s laughter flutters out. Michael looks at Rene and swallows.
“Three years, and she still waits.” Rene says and Michael stares at him and turns away from his harsh glance and towards the pine needles that surround him.
“Michel, is it fair to her to continue to hurt her. You are taking her Christmas away. She is just faking her way through the holiday again, with some fake smiles for her friends and some fake laughter to fill the air.” Rene says and Michael turns around to face the older man.
“It is not that way. Nikita is better off without me.” Michael says and Rene shakes his head.
“Tsk, Michel. Is that what you truly think?” Rene asks as he turns and shows that the pine needles are gone and have been replaced by snow.
“Better see what she is looking at.” Rene says. Michael looks carefully around and Rene places his hand on Michael’s shoulder. “You can’t be seen. Now just go look, Michel.” Rene says firmly and Michael walks over to behind Madeline’s shoulder.
It wasn’t a Section file and Michael shook his head. It was a personal diary and Madeline pulled up the speaker and turned around. Michael was looking directly into her eyes and saw something in them that he never saw before.
Compassion
Michael steps back and shakes his head and stares at Rene. He felt as if he was intruding. Michael begins to paces as Madeline starts to brush out her long chestnut hair.
“Christmas Eve and still no progress in my project. It seems to be working in the opposite desired effect.” Madeline starts off and Michael walks back to Rene and leans to him.
“This is her diary.” Michael whispers and Rene turns to him with a smile.
“Why are you whispering?” Rene asks and Michael looks at him and then back to Madeline.
“I can not seem to fashion a way to make everything work out, before Paul places another hurdle in the way.” Madeline says and Michael turns again to Rene.
“I want to leave.” Michael whispers and Rene shakes his head and laughs at Michael’s whispers.
“It has been three years….” Madeline says slowly and Michael turns his head.
“JINGLE BELLS.. JINGLE BELLS… JINGLE ALL THE WAY….” Rene screams on the top of his lungs as he dances around Madeline.
“Nikita continued to hide…” Madeline says and Michael jumps up from the window that he was leaning against.
“OH WHAT FUN IT IS TO RIDE IN A ONE HORSE OPEN SLEIGH.. HEY!” Rene screams out until Michael covers his mouth.
“I wish the two could admit their feelings, because then I could help them in anyway. The denial is eating Michael’s psyche up and I do not know how much more damage Nikita can take from Michael.” Madeline says and turns to the computer. She closes the file as the door opens on the left-hand side.
“Merry Christmas.” Paul says as walks into the light. Michael looks at Madeline smiles, not a small smile, but one of the full cheek to cheek grins and he drops his hand from Rene’s mouth.
“Merry Christmas, Paul.” Madeline says as she unties the robe and shows the silky green down underneath the robe. She smiles as Paul helps pull away the robe.
“Are you going to attend Nikita’s party tomorrow?” Paul asks and Madeline smiles and nods her head.
“I believe out of those she invited, only Michael will not be attending.” Madeline says and Paul nods his head.
“I wouldn’t expect Michael to do such a domestic activity.” Operations says with an even smile.
“Is that what you wanted, Michel? To hold the one that had your heart and soul? Doesn’t Nikita hold your heart and soul?” Rene asks and Michael shots a glare at him.
“Be quiet.” Michael loudly says as he turns his head back.
“It is a shame. It is a lovely gathering.” Madeline says and Paul leans in and brushes some of Madeline’s hair off of her neck and down her back. His hand lingers on her shoulder.
“But to start at eight o’clock in the morning.” Paul says as he moves his hand to Madeline’s neck and then to run it up to her chin. He tilts her head back and lightly brushes her lips softly. Michael shakes his head and can not contain himself from smiling at the movement.
“Last year she started at seven.” Madeline says and Paul runs his other hand down Madeline’s back and to the zipper of the gown.
SNOW
It was heavy.
Michael looked around and lost Operations and Madeline from his view. He stumbled forward.
“Rene?” Michael calls out, but hears nothing but the snow that is settling heavily on his body. Michael looks around and suddenly stumbles headfirst into the ankle deep snow.
He does not know how he got to the bed, and he shakes his head from the funny dreams he is having. Maybe it was time for something a bit stronger to help him through this particular holiday. There had been just a bit too much emotion lately for him.
Michael pushed into his living room and found the glass filled on the cabinet. He turns around and hears the television is on. He didn’t even know that it worked. Michael swallows and heads towards the chair in front of the television and looks at it. There are commercials on. He watches as the local news stations seems to be covering last minute shopping. Michael leans his head back.
He thought about the gifts in his apartment that were for Nikita. He had done as Nikita did. He bought for her, but could never give them to her. It seemed if he would give them to her, it was like giving her part of him.
There is a ding behind him and Michael jumps to his feet. He stares at the microwave blinks at him and there is a knock on the door. Michael moves carefully to the microwave, as it could be bomb. He looks in and looks at the puffy bag and then grabs his gun as his door opens up.
“Michael…. I see the popcorn is ready for the movie.” Belinda says as she walks into the room and to the microwave. She opens the microwave and then opens the bag. The steam travels out of the bag and Belinda pops a handful of the popcorn into her mouth.
“Oh, I have missed popcorn.” Belinda says as she moves to the television.
“Aren’t you going to watch?” Belinda asks and Michael blinks and grabs the glass off of the cabinet and downs it in one swallow. Michael stops and looks at the glass, as there is no familiar burn in his chest and stomach from the quick consummation of hard liquor. He turns to Belinda.
“Oh, I changed all of your liquor into apple juice. Liquor fogs your mind, Michael.” Belinda says and Michael stares at her.
“Come, here, Michael. It’s going to be on soon.” Belinda says and Michael steps towards the television, but does not sit down.
“What is going to be on soon?” Michael asks and Belinda smiles broadly.
“The Operative who Stole Christmas.. oops.. I meant, the Grinch who stole Christmas!” Belinda says and Michael looks at her.
“I thought you were to be the ghost of Christmas present.” Michael says and Belinda laughs broadly.
“They have added another one! I am the Ghost of Christmas through the other’s person’s Eyes. Kind of long title, don’t you think?” Belinda asks and Michael shakes his head.
“And why would they do that? And who is they?” Michael asks and Belinda giggles again.
“They are up there.” Belinda says as she points up toward the ceiling and then looks at Michael again. “And they did so for the difficult ones, but still good. Michael, you are good. You just have to see it.” Belinda says and Michael sits down at the show starts.
“HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS!”
“How is watching a Christmas movie going to show me anything?” Michael questions and again Belinda giggles. The giggling was starting to grate on Michael’s nerves.
“Now, Michael. Who do you know would watch Christmas movies?” Belinda asks and Michael looks at her and then closes his eyes.
“Nikita.” Michael replies.
Michael opens his eyes and shakes his head at the image glaring back at him from the screen. Gone was the green little grinch with yellow eyes and thin legs. There he was.
Michael stopped and looked at Belinda. Did Nikita really vision him as the Grinch who stole Christmas? How could she think such a thing.
“Yes, Michael. She does. Each year that you turn her away, she visions you darker and more sinister than the year before. But she still contains hope. The Grinch is good in the end. Next year, she will not be so kind.” Belinda says and Michael shakes his head.
“This is now working. Time for drastic measures.” Belinda says as she steps back and smiles at Michael. He looks at her and does not see the roundhouse kick coming.